A few years ago, at the urging of a kindly editor, I began writing a book I want to call The Power of the Vow. Don’t get exited. This is not my next project. I see it more as a work in progress for now, and thus far, the thing hasn’t materialized as a full book yet, but I own the domains anyway.
But having rounded the bend of three decades of marriage and all the having and holding, for bettering or worse, and dealing with lots of sickness amid our good health… well, sometimes the good times and the bad times interfere with the actual production of good intentions, like writing a book, or giving a talk on the subject, and well, one is left with the option of writing a blog post or two or three articles about the power of the vow.
I’m grateful to the Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend for the opportunity to do a guest post on the blog, My Year of Faith. Here’s snippet:
This summer, my husband and I watched our daughter and new son-in-love recite their wedding vows before God and His Church. It was a joy to witness their vows, and sealing them with the gift of rings. Meanwhile, the invisible grace of God entered in. With love’s consummation, you begin to fully understand how grace holds your heart captive to the power of the vow. And when you look at your hands, the ring of love teaches you that you are to lay your life down daily in big and small ways.
“Love one another, as I have loved you,” says our Lord… even unto death. Marriage, like the circle of rings, is an ongoing relationship with many experiences repeated and reappearing over time. More than an accessory, the ring is a blessed sacramental, a dutiful and beautiful reminder of our vowed reality… we are not alone… we will share what comes… we will do this with the help of grace.
We are not alone.
The obvious comfort of one another’s warm body in the bed is a sweet reminder of the vow. Our deepest fire is enkindled from the intimacy that flows from a loving, intentional friendship. Even after thirty years together, it is still good to hear the words, “I love you” and “I’m so glad you’re here.” We can be all about the wine and the roses, and the occasional dinner out. Yet, more often than not, the tangible evidence of “we are not alone” is manifest by how we care for one another when no one is looking, especially when the sufferings of life begin to mount.
Recently I took my husband to the doctor’s office for an exam on his chronic back pain. He was perfectly able to drive and tend to this without me. But I wanted to go. It gave me a little excuse to fuss over him. While it’s true that sometimes you take turns being the one who needs care, and one who is caregiving, it’s best not to keep score.
This same husband saw me through childbirths and multiple surgeries for breast cancer and beyond. He has kept me company in more sterile hospital rooms than I can count. His presence grounds me, and keeps my sanity when life seems out of control. Like the time I needed yet another brain MRI and claustrophobia was preventing my acquiescing. He got permission from the medical team to strip down to modest clothing, without belt buckles or shoes, minus his keys, his watch, coins, or other metallic objects, to stand sentry in the noisy exam room with the giant magnet and squeeze my toes — the only part of my body sticking out of the MRI tube — to reassure me that I was not alone in that hour.
In all these instances, Jesus was always with us, but he was calling us to bring his presence in visible, tangible ways to one another.
Read the rest over here.
And yes, that photo above really is my daughter and son-in-love. Here’s the whole photo.
A blog post about the wedding is here, and has been the most popular post all month.